Far Away
by dolcegrazia
Summary: They've lived in London for a year and a half now. Their 3 year old daughter speaks with a British accent. Brooke finds it adorable but Julian hates it.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note-** And so begins the start of my newest chapter story. I have not begun a chapter story in quite a long while. Actually, I've been toying with the idea of getting "Picks Ups and Drop Offs" going again, but don't get your hearts set on it. Anyway, I'm trying my hand at JujuBe (Brulian, BJu, whatever) non-one shots.

This story is brought to you by the word "Mumma". I heard a child say it in a Starbucks a few months ago and that's what got the wheels turning in my brain for this story.

-xx-

They've lived in London for a year and a half now. Julian spends his days on film sets. Brooke spends hers at Harrod's and Sainsbury's and TopShop. Their 3 year old daughter speaks with a British accent. Brooke finds it adorable but Julian hates it.

It wasn't always this way; they haven't always had this strained of a relationship. They met 4 years ago when Julian came to Tree Hill to shoot a film and try to win back his ex. Both plans fell by the wayside after he laid eyes on Brooke. She stole his heart quickly and they embarked on a relationship fraught with love and passion.

It was 6 months before Brooke could say she loved Julian and that night, after she confessed her long-buried feelings for him, their daughter was conceived. At first Brooke feared that Julian would feel trapped, but he convinced her otherwise through a series of surprises culminating in a marriage proposal on the beach in North Carolina. Brooke was five months pregnant at the time and looking back on it, she thinks it was the hormones that made her say yes.

Hazel Grace Davis-Baker was born three years ago on Christmas Day, a healthy six pounds, twelve ounces and Brooke and Julian's pride and joy. Brooke didn't realize how intensely and how much she could love this tiny thing who would look up at the new mother with these green eyes that Brooke still swears can see into the future.

Family life went smoothly for the couple until Hazel's first birthday when Julian signed on to produce and direct a film in London without conferring with his fiancée. The wrath of Brooke Davis is not pretty as Julian would learn upon breaking the news to the woman. The subsequent argument definitely woke up Hazel and easily could've woken up all of Tree Hill. But it was because Brooke loved Julian and Julian loved Hazel that the family of three moved across the Atlantic 17 months ago.

One film turned into three and a production deal, so Brooke begrudgingly agreed to stay. Haley, Nathan and Jamie have visited twice already and Victoria and Brooke are in talks to open up at least one location of Clothes/Bros in the city.

On an average day, Julian and Brooke see each other for an hour. Constant work has taken its toll on Julian and Brooke has taken to shopping more than is healthy. To say the couple needs to get back on track would be a gross understatement.

It's not that they don't love each other anymore. The one thing the couple does agree on these days is that they fell in love too fast. They still love each other but everything is strained and they miss each other and neither will admit it.

-xx-

"Mumma! Mumma!"

A child's loud, piercing cry for her mother is heard echoing through the normally quiet Starbucks on the Davis-Baker family's block.

Brooke turns around at the sound, her daughter standing behind her. The mother leans down and speaks softly to the child.

"What's up, Haze?"

The brown-haired, green-eyed stunner of a girl looks deeply up at her mother and in a now hushed voice says, "Can I get a chocolate milk?", pointing at the refrigerator filled with cold food and beverages.

"Of course you can, princess." Brooke reaches in to grab the chocolate drink and then looks to the barista to place her order. "An iced grande vanilla latte, please".

The warm weather has arrived, and even though she's a transplant, Brooke knows that London weather is fickle so it's best to enjoy your cold beverages while you can. Despite her vocal pronouncements to the contrary, the woman actually quite likes the rainy weather sometimes. She takes Hazel outside of their flat and they dance in the rain.

"Mumma!" Hazel says again, now more quietly, as she pulls on her mother's pencil skirt.

"You can't have a cookie", Brooke replies without even turning to her daughter.

"No, silly", Hazel says, smiling. "Where is daddy?"

Technically, Brooke doesn't actually know the answer to her daughter's question. He could be in Brighton, as he has a film being shot there. He could be here in London, at the office. She hasn't seen her husband in two days. But none of this can she say out loud in the middle of a Starbucks on their street.

"He's at work, babe", Brooke replies.

"When will he be home?" Hazel continues to ask, oblivious to the slight annoyed tone in her mother's voice that's supposed to clue the child in to Brooke's dislike of such a line of questioning.

The young mother hands the barista what she owes and as she hands the child her chocolate milk, she replies, "I'm not sure, hon. You can call him when we get back to the flat, okay?" Brooke grabs her change, and then grabs Hazel's hand as they walk towards the bar to await Brooke's beverage.

"Why don't we see daddy much, Mumma?" Hazel says, loudly again. Brooke cringes as she feels every patrons' eyes rest on her.

"He works, you know that. He's got a big, important job that brings in the big bucks!"

"Yeah, but you work and I still see you!"

Brooke clucks silently to herself and reaches down to pick up Hazel, putting the child on her hip and at the same time, takes her iced latte from the barista behind the bar. She leans in close to her daughter as the pair walks out into the London streets.

"Hazel, daddy and mummy have different jobs. I mostly work at home, but daddy's job is more important and takes him away to fancy places. He makes movies, remember? " Brooke explains to the child, trying to take in the reassurances herself, but to no avail.

Hazel rests her head on her mother's shoulder and puts her hand in front of her face to block the sunlight. She continues, "But I miss daddy, Mumma."

"I know, sweets. But we'll call him when we get home, alright?"

"Will he be upset if we in…in…terrupt him?" Hazel asks, stumbling on the last word out of nervousness and the fact that she's still learning the "big words" her mumma and daddy use.

The mother sighs. What has Julian's absence instilled in their child?

"No, no. He loves you, Hazy. You're the apple of his eye!"

"Ouch. That sounds like it hurts."

Brooke laughs a hearty laugh and for a moment, things seem okay. For a moment.

-xx-


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note-** I apologize for the delay. I had posted the last chapter while on vacation, and didn't get too much chance to write anymore until recent days. I'm really touched by the reception of this story. I hope it lives up to its potential.

I'm really not in love with this chapter at all. It still feels empty and useless. I suppose it's going to take a little bit for me to really set the stage, so there you go.

Please keep reviewing- I really do love and cherish every review. Thanks.

-xx-

"Put Julian through, Maggie."

"But Miss Davis, he's in an important meeting."

"Tough. Tell him his 3 year old kid would like to speak with him."

This is not Brooke's afternoon. On the way out of Starbucks, she bumped into a man in a business suit, too wrapped up in his newspaper to pay attention to where he was going (not that Brooke was paying attention, either), and the encounter sent her iced beverage flying. The result left Hazel upset and Brooke upset. When they finally reached their flat, it took ten minutes of digging in her purse for Brooke to find her key. Hazel ended up sitting on the stoop, crying her eyes out, quite loudly. By the time Brooke found her key, she was near a breakdown as well.

Now Julian is continuing to be difficult to reach and it is not Brooke's day.

"Alright, I'll try", the woman says, giving in to Brooke's request.

When Maggie, Julian's secretary, finally puts Brooke on hold to find Julian, Brooke makes a mad dash to the kitchen to get Hazel a sippy cup of juice before returning to the living room area where Hazel is watching television and Brooke is trying in vain to design the fall/winter line.

"Oh, come on, Julian…" Brooke mutters to herself.

The young woman taps the pencil on the coffee table as she waits…and waits. She steals a look at the clock in the kitchen and finds she's been on hold for five minutes. This is not an uncommon occurrence these days.

"Hello?"

A gruff voice is heard on the line and Brooke sighs, thankful that at least Julian has answered though she has no idea how the conversation will go.

"Hey, it's me", Brooke says.

"I can't talk for too long, babe. My director's in with me now."

"I've had a really sucky day and I just wanted to hear your voice…"

Now Julian sighs. "I'm sorry. I can't talk too long. I'll be home at about 7, okay?"

"Wait, please wait. Hazy wants to talk to you."

"Sure, put her on."

Brooke puts the phone down slowly and rests it on her shoulder. This was not how the conversation was supposed to go, but it's not like she can expect anything different lately. At least Julian was willing to talk to his daughter, that's one thing Brooke knew would never go away.

"Haze, daddy wants to talk to you", the mother says to the child sitting across the living room from her. She picks herself up off the couch to pass the phone to the young girl.

"Okay…are you going to say goodbye to daddy?" Hazel asks. She's disturbingly perceptive for a 3 year old.

The worst thing, both of them knew it, was what this distance between them was doing to Hazel.

Brooke puts the phone back up to her ear to speak, "Hey, listen…I love you."

"I love you, too, Brooke." There was emotion there. There always was. They don't hate each other and for that Brooke is grateful. It's something and Brooke will take it.

"I'll see you later. Bye Baker."

"See ya, Davis."

Brooke smiles and passes the phone to Hazel who grabs it and puts it to her ear enthusiastically.

"Daddy!" the child squeals.

"Hey Hazy. How are you today?"

"I'm just fine! Mumma and I had coffee!"

"Is that so, Hazy?"

"No, I had chocolate milk. I just feel all grown up if I say I had coffee, like Mumma!"

"You are grown up. You're practically a teenager!", Julian teases. The banter between father and daughter is what keeps things light when the family is together.

"Nuh no, daddy! I am only free. Just a bitty thing!"

"Nah, I thought you were ten feet tall."

"Oh, daddy." Hazel says, sighing and shaking her head at her silly father.

Julian sighs to himself now. He misses Hazel. He hates that their communication is virtually solely over the phone these days. Some nights, Brooke will let Hazel stay up until Julian gets home but usually she doesn't and Julian is left to kiss his sleeping daughter's forehead as she cuddles into her bed. It's on these nights when he lies in his own bed and thinks about scrapping his next film, cutting his hours, hiring a co-producer or co-director. Maybe one day soon. He misses his family and the life they used to have.

"I know", he replies.

"You're being daft, don't do that."

"I'll work on that, Haze", Julian says and pauses. "Listen, I hope to be home before bedtime tonight."

"Do you promise?"

"I can't promise, but I'm going to really, really, really try."

"I guess that's okay, too. I miss you, daddy! A lot."

"I know, and I really miss you, too. Can you put your mom on?"

"Okay! Buh bye, daddy."

"Bye, baby."

Hazel puts the phone down, hops off the couch and runs over to her mother who has escaped to the kitchen to begin preparing a late lunch. Once Hazel reaches her mother, she pulls on her skirt (yet again, a frequent habit of Hazel's) and speaks up.

"Mum, daddy wants to talk to you!"

"Alright. Go hop up on your chair and you'll have your sandwich in a second."

Hazel nods wordlessly as she hands her mother the phone and runs over to the dining room table, busying herself with trying to get up on the chair.

"Hey Julian, what's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to say goodbye again."

"Okay. I'll see you later. 7, you said?"

"Yeah."

"Bye again."

"Bye…"

It's weird, both Brooke and Julian note that the conversation wasn't all that awful. It was just…odd, but still had an air of hopefulness. That contradiction is what defines their relationship at this point in time.

They don't fight, neither is angry, they don't hate each other. They just miss each other and they can't or won't sort themselves out.

-xx-

It's early evening by now, nearing 6PM and Brooke is scurrying around the flat's kitchen to organize some kind of healthy dinner for herself and Hazel, also keeping in mind that she should make something for Julian, in case he does come home by 7, as he promised.

She's yapping away at the same time as these thoughts run through her head, the phone wedged between her cheek and shoulder. It's almost noon in Tree Hill and Haley sits at her desk at Tree Hill Elementary, happy to be given a short break from the children while they play at recess.

The two best friends talk every day, sometimes twice and sometimes exchange e-mails on top of the twice-a-day phone conversations. Skype conversations on top of the e-mails and phone conversations are not unheard of for the pair, either.

"I'm trying to figure out what to cook Julian for dinner", Brooke says, continuing their conversation. "I can't even say I know what he likes to eat anymore."

Haley scoffs quietly to herself, knowing not to upset Brooke, "That's such a lie. You know Julian like the back of your hand."

"Oh, Hales- I really don't think so anymore. I think we've both turned into two different people."

"That's not true, either and you know it. What brought you two together so many years ago?"

One word escapes from Brooke's mouth before she can even screen it. "Hazel", she mutters.

"No, besides Hazel."

"Hey", Brooke exclaims, ignoring Haley. "Hazel brought us together, made us a family. I could have another baby, right?"

Whoa, there. What?

"Nooo, Brooke. Do not do that. You know that's a bad idea", Haley says. "You just need to figure out what brought you two together. Besides your daughter. You fell in love for a reason. Find that reason again."

"I don't think I can do it", Brooke admits. She stops running around the kitchen now, finally settling herself on a stool. She puts her head in her hands and can't help but lament her current situation.

"Of course you can! Your relationship is not over, it's not even close. You just need to bring yourself together again. Make sure Julian comes home as he promised tonight. If he's not home by 7:15, call the office and tell him you'll flip your shit if he's not home immediately."

"Haley!", Brooke yells, shocked by her best friend's tone and language.

"And then show him why he fell in love with you."

"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

Haley laughs loudly on the other end of the line. "Your call, Tigger. But please don't be so pessimistic. Don't give up and you can make everything better again."

If Brooke believed anything anyone said, it would be anything that came out of Haley James-Scott's mouth. Perhaps she will start her work tonight. Trying to make things better again.

-xx-


	3. Chapter 3

By the grace of some divine power somewhere, Julian makes it home at 7PM like he promised his family he would. After he spoke to Hazel and Brooke, he spent the rest of the day rushing through his work, dodging unnecessary meetings and calls and thinking only of his fiancée and child. He doesn't just want to be a voice over the phone anymore. He has to sort himself out and he has to return to his family. He only hopes it'll be that easy.

When the door to the flat opens, Hazel and Brooke are cuddled on the couch in the living room watching a Hannah Montana DVD that Haley had sent last month. Hazel is mostly asleep, leaning on her mother's shoulder barely able to concentrate on her favorite show. Brooke isn't exactly awake, either.

When Hazel hears her father's heavy footsteps, she quickly awakens and runs to the door to find her Julian. Brooke feels the weight of her child disappear and she wakes up, alerted to Julian's arrival by her daughter's squeals of joy.

"Daddy!" Hazel yells. "You're home! You're home!" The young girl runs into her father's arms and he catches her and plants her on his hip.

"That I am, beautiful", Julian replies. "Did I wake you?" he asks, all the while staring intently at Brooke who stands at the end of the hallway.

"Kinda, but that's okay!" Hazel is clearly keyed up by her father's appearance and Brooke rolls her eyes, excited by the prospect of a hyper child an hour before bed time.

"Hey Hazy", Brooke says. "How about you march your cute booty to your bedroom and daddy will come read you a story?"

The child nods and wiggles out of her father's arms. "Come quick! And I get to pick the book." Hazel skips down the hallway to her room, blissfully unaware of what she left in her wake.

-xx-

Brooke slowly walks closer to Julian, unsure and scared and nervous.

"You're home", she says plainly.

"I am..." Julian says, just as plainly.

Brooke shakes her head as she moves a little closer. "Why?"

Julian's confusion is evident on his face, but Brooke ignores it. He can't be that naïve, she thinks.

"I told Hazel that I'd be here. I told you I'd be here."

"So, now you decide that you should come home to your family at night? Did a camera fall on your head and you finally realized what your priorities should be?"

"Brooke, please…I'm here now." Julian says, practically begging for Brooke to relax. He walks closer to his fiancée now and grabs her shoulders softly.

"Now, Julian…the operative word is now. But how about tomorrow or two weeks from now? How can I trust that you'll be here?"

"Because I want to be here. You have to know that."

"What I know and what you do are completely different things", Brooke replies coolly, taking Julian's hands and removing them from her body.

"I can move things around, I can turn down a project. I'm the boss- I can make those decisions. I can be home now", Julian says. There's a desperate tone to his voice.

Brooke sighs. She knows this sounds too easy and there's no way that Julian can make that big of a turn around so fast.

"I know you'll try. Because you always try. But we moved out here so you could work and since then, you've been overloading yourself because that's what you know and that's what you want to do. Fuck, your kid barely knows you. In Starbucks today, for the entire store to hear, she asked me why she never sees you. She's 3 and a half fucking years old, Julian!"

"I know, I know. That's why I want to come home. I know I can't do this to her anymore."

"And what am I at this point? Do you even still want to marry me? You avoid me like the plague, now you're saying you're only going to come home for Hazel. What do I need to do to get you to come home for me!?" Brooke yells. Finally everything breaks. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg, but at least Brooke is able to get some of it out. She bangs on Julian's chest with her hands in fists and as he calmly removes them from him, he reaches down and pulls Brooke in for a kiss.

A kiss is not what she expected and she doesn't know what to do. It takes a beat before she steps away from him. This isn't what should happen. Angst should not precede intimacy. They can't do it like that.

"Julian, no. This is not how we resolve things! We're not 22 anymore, I'm not sex hungry anymore. I want to be with you emotionally as well as physically. I am _desperate_ for you to let me in! Do you know how desperate I am?"

Julian shakes his head without words. He doesn't want to interrupt her. He knew this was coming. He's not that naïve.

"I told Haley today that I should get pregnant for you to come back to me because that's how this relationship really started- when I got pregnant with Hazel." Brooke stops short after this admission, realizing that she's unsure if she's said that aloud at all lately. It's confirmed when Julian's jaw drops and he moves towards her.

"_No_, Brooke, that's not how it was. I told you that so many times when you told me you were pregnant. We were so in love back then and having a baby just reinforced that. You thought you had trapped me, but you didn't. I was the happiest man alive back then."

Brooke's shoulders begin to slump and the tears behind her eyes now become tears that flow down her cheeks, and the whole world felt like it's opened beneath her.

"Then, what _happened_? The second you told me about the deal to move out here, something happened. We weren't the same anymore. I want to know why! I want to know how to fix it!" The tears continue to flow and now Julian takes it upon himself to wrap his arms slowly around Brooke's body, waiting to see if she lets him. She does. She's tired and she falls apart in his arms.

"I know I've hurt you", he says.

"No shit", Brooke mutters through her tears.

"What can I say to make you believe that I do want to stay?"

"It's not what you say, it's what you do. And it's not just you…I haven't exactly been myself, either. It's just hard."

"I know, beautiful."

"Do you promise that we can fix this?"

Brooke's question takes a hold of Julian's heart and now tears begin to well in his eyes. He feels like an idiot for not seeing this sooner. He's known that he doesn't get to see his family often. He just didn't realize what it was doing to the woman he loves most.

"Yes. We can fix this. I promise you that we will fix this."

Brooke nods and nuzzles into Julian's chest. Her tears have abated but she is still tired. Julian tightens his grip on the woman and rests his cheek on the top of her head.

"I've missed you", Brooke says.

"I've missed you, too."

With the hope that maybe they can work to change their relationship for the better, even if they have to yell to get their emotions out or if it takes a lot of time, Brooke now takes Julian's hand and leads them towards Hazel's room.

The door is wide open and as they peer in, the couple sees their tiny, brunette daughter sitting Indian-style on her bed with Brooke's old copy of _Angelina Ballerina_ in her lap. Her head is in her hands and she looks impatient. It takes her only a moment to realize that her parents are standing in her doorway and her face lights up in recognition.

"Mummy! Daddy! I picked the ballerina book", Hazel says, displaying the book for the couple to see.

Julian walks towards his daughter's bed while Brooke hangs back by the door.

"Scoot over", the man says as he tries to sit on Hazel's bed. Once comfortable, Hazel passes him the book and he opens it.

"Daddy, will you read me Mumma's words first?" Hazel lays her head on her father's shoulder as he begins to read.

In the weeks before Brooke's due date, she decided to go through boxes of old memorabilia that had been collecting dust through her multiple moves. It was in the first box that Brooke found her favorite books from childhood. Her ultimate favorite was about a mouse who just itches to be the best ballerina she could be.

She knew in that moment that her daughter needed to have the book and so Brooke grabbed a pen and started writing on the title page of the old book just how much she wanted a daughter and just how much she would be loved.

_Dear Daughter (still unnamed) – _

_You're going to be gracing us with your presence in just a few short weeks (I hope!) and your father and I could not be more excited. I've waited a long time to be able to be a mother and I just cannot wait any longer. You are going to be an amazing little girl. Your daddy and I will love you like no baby girl has ever been loved before. Never forget that. Please come out soon, by the way. Mommy could use a cocktail._

_Love forever and always and forever,_

_Mommy_

Once Julian is finished reading the letter, he looks over to Brooke who is still standing in the doorway.

She leans her head against the doorframe and mouths, "Thank you."

Julian has no idea what she's thanking him for, but she's got a smile on her face and that's all that matters to him in this moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note – **I apologize for the delay. Writing this story requires a lot of work, to be quite honest. Plus, I now have two jobs so my free time is few and far between. I hope this chapter is all right. Choices may seem off, but you'll understand eventually. Please review!

Oh, and this chapter is a little mature.

-xx-

When Julian quietly tip-toes out of his daughter's room once the tiny brunette has fallen into a deep sleep, he finds his girlfriend standing against the hallway wall opposite him. She's deep in thought, Julian knows. He's always known how to tell when Brooke's deep in thought.

"Hi…" Julian says as he stands against the opposite wall.

"You're good with her. You've always been good with her", Brooke comments. Her eyes have kind of glazed over, from exhaustion- physical and mental, or maybe just from confusion.

Julian shrugs, almost not really knowing how to respond to that.

"I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to just say like that", Brooke says, freeing Julian up from responding to her comments. "We should just go to bed…"

Brooke pushes herself off the wall and nearly trips into Julian's body. By instinct, he reaches out to catch her.

"Are you okay?" Julian asks, quite frightened by what just occurred.

"Yeah, I just need to sleep", Brooke replies as she straightens herself out. "And I need to know that you will be here in the morning when Hazel and I wake up and that you'll be here for dinner tomorrow night."

"I will, Brooke. I can't be that man anymore, the man who's got you so exhausted."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I've turned into my father, Brooke."

The two share a quiet and sad look. Brooke knows this is true. Julian swore up and down for years that he would never become his father. Even when he was still a boy, he knew that whenever he had a family, he would never become his father. But now, Julian's realized that this is what he's become and it's stunned him to silence.

"Let's go to bed", Brooke says. She takes Julian's hand and leads them both into their bedroom, slowly and silently.

Brooke's not sure exactly why she's not protesting more. Her breakdown earlier wore her out, letting her momentarily resign her fight. Julian's admission just now gives her hope that he knows he's made mistakes and it clearly scares him. Nobody wants to end up like their parents and Brooke and Julian are two very good examples of that.

When the couple reach their bedroom door, Brooke opens it and lets go of Julian's hand. She walks to the center of the room and stands there. She doesn't move, she doesn't speak, she doesn't do anything.

"Everything is going to be different", Julian says. He is quiet, but his tone is forceful. Brooke wants so, so desperately to believe him and to believe that everything will be okay now.

"I know…" Brooke says. She walks toward Julian who is still standing in the doorway. She reaches behind him and shuts the door. Acting on instinct, she grabs him and begins to kiss him.

Their relationship started out based on lust. Although it turned into something deeper and more real, it did start out centered around sex. In those intimate moments, Brooke felt the safest with a man than she's ever felt in her life. Not only did Julian make Brooke feel safe, he made her feel alive.

Still lip-locked, Julian walks to the bed, Brooke stumbling as she walks backwards. She hits the bed with the back of her knees and collapses onto the soft mattress.

Breathless, Julian interrupts the kiss to ask, "Is this…is this okay?"

Brooke nods and kisses Julian again. She quickly tugs at Julian's clothing, first the buttons on his oxford and then she begins to pull off his belt. She does this slowly, watching Julian's expression change from calmness to impatience. After the belt is off and thrown to the floor, Brooke takes her hand and slides it under her boyfriend's slacks. She giggles when she hears the tell-tale guttural moan escape Julian's lips. His eyes are closed and he's already having trouble keeping his hands flat on the bed, to keep him from falling on top of the girl.

"Stop, Brooke", Julian says.

He opens his eyes and grins at the beautiful woman beneath him. He pulls himself upwards and takes his slacks off, all while watching Brooke. While he undresses, Brooke begins to take off her own clothing. First the camisole. No bra. Next the silk pajama pants. No underwear. Julian has one foot out of his pants when he notices how quickly Brooke has become naked and he can't help but stare.

"Take your pants off", Brooke says, her voice as husky as ever. She's well aware that her voice takes a dive in octave when she's turned on.

With great speed, Julian removes the last of his pants and crawls back onto the bed. For a moment, Julian and Brooke lock their eyes. But before either of them can stop this, Brooke begins to remove Julian's boxer briefs. Once he's completely naked, Brooke runs her shaking hands over his erection. He removes her hand and places it on his heart. She feels it beating and she feels her body begin to relax. She pulls her head up to kiss him and that's when Julian enters her.

The pace is slow and fast at the same time, if that's at all possible. Brooke wants to revel in the pleasure, but wants to stop at the same time. If that's at all possible. Julian begins to move within her, rotating his hips as Brooke begins to match his movements and rhythm. Moans and sighs begin to escape their lips.

Julian kisses up and down Brooke's neck, and then moves toward her breasts. He picks up his head and looks at his fiancée. Her eyes are closed, her mouth is open and she's sighing and moaning.

"Brooke…" he says. "I'm so sorry."

Brooke shakes her head, her eyes still shut. This isn't the time.

Julian moves deeper within her, picking up the pace as he continues to kiss Brooke's slick body. The noises get louder until they crescendo.

"Oh G-d…oh G-d…" Brooke moans, her voice raspy. Her orgasm overtakes her and she begins to shake and jerk almost uncontrollably. "Fuck…" she says quietly as her frenetic movements begin to subside.

Julian is still inside her and seconds later, he comes with a loud grunt. He collapses on top of the beautiful brunette and then moves to his side of the bed.

The air is rich with sex, sweat and regret. As the couple lay side by side, still trying to catch their breath, Julian takes Brooke's hand within his own and squeezes it softly. Brooke smiles softly to herself. The regret is hers and hers alone.

-xx-

It's 2:30 in the morning when Brooke decides to get out of bed. She's been tossing and turning all night. She cannot stop the thoughts from rushing through her head and she can't stop the tears when they start to fall. She tiptoes out of the room, deciding to grab a glass of wine and read a few magazines until her mind and body decide to let her fall asleep. Brooke stops at the slightly ajar door to her daughter's room. It creaks when she opens it but Hazel doesn't stir. Brooke steps inside the room and grabs a chair, pulling it to the side of Hazel's toddler bed. She sits down and settles her chin in her hands, just staring at her beautiful daughter.

Hazel doesn't deserve to be a 3 year old who doesn't know where her father is on a day to day basis. Brooke doesn't deserve to have her heart broken again. Julian is supposed to be the one, supposed to be the one who loves Brooke for who she is and never stops. He used to make her feel like the most amazing, most beautiful woman on the planet and that made Brooke feel safe again. She needs that feeling back.

Brooke reaches out and runs her fingers through Hazel's wavy hair. The little girl whimpers in her sleep and her eyes flutter open.

"Mumma", the little girl says quietly, surprised to be awake and surprised to see her mother sitting next to her bed.

"Shh, it's okay, baby girl. Go back to bed, sweet pea." Brooke leans down and kisses the girl's forehead as the child's eyes begin to close again. Brooke stands and walks towards the door, turning around to whisper, "I love you" to the sleeping Hazel.

She and Julian have to work everything out and it needs to happen now. For the two of them and for Hazel. They need to talk. They need to cut the bullshit, they need to stop having sex to get away from their emotions and they need to do it now.

They shouldn't have had sex tonight. She knows that and Julian should know that. It made her feel dirty and it made her feel 16.

Exhaustion begins to overtake the young woman so she walks back to her bedroom. When she gets inside, she sees Julian awake and leaning against the head board. He eyes Brooke as she walks in, a confused expression on his face. Brooke crawls into bed next to him and puts her head on his shoulder.

"Will you be home on time again tomorrow?" Brooke asks.

"I'm going to try."

"What?!"

"You didn't let me finish", Julian says as he turns to Brooke and she picks her head up to look at him. "I'm going to try because I plan to pick up some sushi for dinner and maybe some of that Riesling you like so much. Do you want roses or daisies? Oh, screw that. I'll get both." He's grinning, and Brooke grabs his face. He knows that his smile makes her melt.

"Do you mean that?" Brooke says as she lets go of his face and drops her own smile.

"We're going to be okay, Brooke."

-xx-


	5. Chapter 5

There would be no pretty flowers, no sushi, no white wine. There _were_ several phone calls, two apologetic e-mails and even a note delivered to the house. Brooke had allowed herself to think Julian would stand by his word and she hates herself for her weakness. She hates Julian more for taking advantage of her.

There would be no sushi so Brooke brings Thai food home for herself. Around the dining room table that night, it is just her and Hazel. Hazel is happily munching on carrot sticks and chicken fingers, seemingly oblivious to the unkept promises and bitter sadness.

Brooke just periodically looks from her untouched plate of rice to her daughter across the table. The mood lightens for a short period when ketchup somehow ends up on Hazel's nose.

"Hey Rudolph", Brooke says to her daughter.

Hazel glares at her mother and suddenly the child's resemblance to Brooke is unmistakable.

"I am not a reindeer, Mumma!"

Yes, she is definitely her mother's daughter.

"No, silly", Brooke says between giggles. "You've got some ketchup on your nose."

"Oh, oops!" Hazel exclaims, grabbing a napkin and wiping her nose. "All gone?" she asks her mother.

"Yup, no more red nose."

"Good! Hey mumma, why are you not eating dinner?"

Brooke sighs. Her daughter is way too perceptive. Aren't children supposed to be egocentric at this age? Figures she'd end up with a kid as smart as Hazel.

"I'm just tired and a little sad", Brooke says after a beat of trying to figure out what to say.

"Because daddy's not here?"

Brooke pushes her plate to the center of the table and sighs again. She knows she shouldn't be having this conversation with her 3 year old daughter, but Hazel is practically all Brooke has now.

"Yes, because daddy's not here", the mother replies. "I miss him."

"I do, too, mumma. Why doesn't he come 'round anymore? Does he not love us anymore?" Hazel asks, tears escaping her gorgeous, big green eyes.

Brooke is simultaneously heartbroken and furious. She gets up out of her seat and walks towards Hazel. She picks the child up and rests her on her hip. Brooke heads to the living room and sits on the couch, Hazel now on her lap.

"Hazel, can you look me in my eyes?" Brooke asks. This is the pair's cue that Brooke means business.

Hazel responds to Brooke's request and the two pairs of broken eyes meet.

"Daddy loves you with all of his heart. You are the best thing in his life- in my life, too. You're our angel", Brooke says to the young girl who replies only by snuggling into her mother's chest.

"I want him to come home now", Hazel whispers.

"I know, baby…"

"No, mumma. _Now!_" Hazel says louder as she gets up off of the couch and sits on the floor. "I want my daddy!" she cries. Her cries become screams and Brooke knows a tantrum is coming. Hazel doesn't frequently get this upset so Brooke doesn't really know what to do. Hazel is breaking in front of her and she doesn't know what to do.

"Mumma, please! I miss my daddy! He doesn't love me! I want my daddy!" Hazel continues to yell and her cries now become hiccups.

"Hazel", Brooke whispers. "You need to calm down, please."

"No, no, no!"

The hiccups turn into wheezes and it's when Hazel purposely bangs her head on the coffee table that Brooke begins to panic.

"Honey, stop! Are you okay? Can you breathe?"

Brooke jumps up off of the couch and grabs a hyperventilating and crying Hazel, hugging her tightly. "You're okay, you're okay…" the mother repeats quietly, both for her daughter's benefit and her own.

-xx-

It took two hours to get Hazel to fall asleep. She couldn't stop coughing and she kept insisting that there were monsters in her closet that were going to take her mummy and daddy away. It took two books and a glass of warm milk before she finally fell asleep.

It took two seconds for Brooke to collapse on the living room couch and three tries before Julian answered his phone.

"Listen, babe…" the man says immediately, clearly distracted.

"No, you listen to me", Brooke says, uninterested in anything Julian has to say. "Do you want to know what happened tonight? I'll tell you. Hazel had a panic attack. Your 3 year old daughter freaked out and tried to hurt herself because you're never here and that must mean you don't love her. Do you know how much my heart broke to hear that? Do you know how scary it is to watch your child gasp for air? No, you don't know."

"Brooke…"

"No, Julian, I am not done. You know, I don't really care if you hurt me. It's happened before, I'd deal. But I will not let you continue to give our daughter panic attacks. You do not get to fucking hurt my kid. Fix this. Fix it or we're done."

"I want to fix it. I don't know what to do", Julian says, his voice cracking.

"Keep working because G-d forbid you one day resent me for keeping you from your dreams. You just need to learn how to come home. Julian, you've made me feel like the most undesirable woman alive the past couple of years. You've made Hazel feel like you hate her", Brooke says. She pauses, letting Julian take everything in.

"I know you, I know you're not a bad guy", Brooke continues. "Please, just, take a break or something. I need us to be together again. I can't do this anymore."

"I'll figure it out. I promise."

"Your promises mean shit."

"I know."

"Will you be home tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way now. I left as soon as you said 'panic attack'."

"Okay…I'm just going to sleep", Brooke says as she grabs the blanket draped over the couch and lays it slowly over her body. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay. I love you", Julian says cautiously.

"Mhmm…" is all Brooke can say as sleep begs to overtake her and she drops the phone.

-xx-

Nothing's different in the morning. Brooke wakes up at 7:30, still on the couch, legs tangled in the blanket. She's got a crick in her neck and her head is pounding. She drags her feet into the kitchen and grabs a glass of water and two pain relievers. After taking the pills, she sets the glass down and walks down the hallway to her bedroom. She peeks in and sees no Julian. _Great_.

Right next door is Hazel's room and as Brooke opens the door to check on her daughter, she's met with an odd sight. Julian's 6'3" tall body splayed across Hazel's tiny twin bed. His arms are wrapped around the little girl and his legs are hanging over the footboard.

Brooke can't help but chuckle and she can't stop. Julian begins to wake up and is quickly alerted to his awkward positioning by a cramp in his leg and the fact that his arm, resting under Hazel's back, is very much asleep. As he starts to get up, Brooke starts laughing even more and has to go out into the hallway so as to not wake up her daughter.

Julian follows her there and they both silently realize that they've had too many conversations in the hallway lately.

"Good morning, Brooke", Julian says.

"Hi Julian. Why did you sleep in Hazel's room? I was on the couch so you wouldn't have woken me up or anything…" Brooke says, rubbing her neck and trying to figure out how to actually have this conversation.

"I, um, I wanted to be with her."

"Oh, okay…that's sweet, then."

"Can we talk somewhere else? These hallway conversations never end well."

"Yeah, I'd really rather not jump right into bed with you instead of sorting this out like the trainwreck that was the other night."

Julian winces as he follows Brooke into the living room, still messy with the remnants of Hazel's panic attack and Brooke's night on the couch.

"Thank you for not slapping me as soon as I woke up", the man says as he sits down on a chair. Brooke sits across from him on the couch and he's well aware that she's trying to distance herself from him.

"My body is too tired to do any slapping right now", Brooke says snidely. "Maybe later."

Julian hangs his head down, defeated. "I deserved that."

"Yes, you absolutely did. I'm not going to yell because our toddler could wake up at any moment, but g-ddamn listen to me, Julian- something needs to change", Brooke says. She's gritting her teeth and her voice is low.

"I quit my next project."

Brooke sits back on the couch, stunned and unable to speak.

"No…" she finally says.

"I want this, Brooke. I'm not going to resent you for anything. You and Hazel are my life now and I know that, I know that. Please…"

"You are on notice, Julian Baker", Brooke finally replies. She has no idea how to react to Julian's rash decision. "I'm just going to go back to bed."

With that, she gets up and leaves only confusion in her wake.

-xx-


	6. Chapter 6

"Daddy, would you like sugar in your tea?

"Sure, princess- I'll have a lump of sugar, please."

It's 10:30 in the morning, Brooke is still sleeping presumably, and Julian has been wrangled into a tea party in his daughter's bedroom. Just like with Hazel's bed, he's awkwardly sitting in one of the little girl's tiny chairs and Julian is afraid he's stuck.

After dunking in a pretend sugar cube into her father's pretend cup of tea, Hazel puts her hands in her lap and becomes silent. This makes Julian visibly nervous. He and Hazel aren't alone very frequently and the panic attack from the previous night is at the center of his mind now. His default is always to lighten the mood.

He picks up his tea, pinky out, and pretends to sip.

"Is this right?", he asks the girl, hoping to draw her out of her silence.

"Mumma always takes milk in her tea", Hazel remarks. "Did you know what Mumma puts in her tea?"

"I didn't know your mother drank tea…"

"Daddy, you don't know much of anything. It's 'cause you never come 'round anymore", the child says simply. This prompts Julian to put his purple plastic tea cup down in its purple plastic saucer.

"You know that I have a big job, right?" Julian asks. He knows this is futile because there are no excuses for his recent behavior.

"You make movies. I know."

"And that means I have to be away from home a lot", he says, trying to explain the best he can to a not-quite 4 year old.

"But don't you want to be home? Don't you love Mumma and me?"

Julian's shoulders fall and he sighs. He looks at Hazel for a beat and says, "Of course I love you".

Hazel's eyes remain cast on her lap, so Julian stands up from his tiny chair and goes over to his daughter, picking her up and sitting on the bed, Hazel on his lap.

"I'm going to be home more now, Hazel", he says. "I quit my big job."

"You did?

"I did. So now I'll be home in time for dinner and I can take you to the park or the Starbucks", Julian says. His comment lingers in the air as Hazel smiles up at him. It's a few beats of silence before he hears Brooke at the doorway.

"No, you can't", the mother says.

"Brooke…"

Brooke enters the room and picks Hazel up off of her father's lap. "Good morning, Hazy. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a log, Mumma!" Hazel says enthusiastically. "I'm happy now. 'Cause Daddy says he can take me to get coffee!"

"Coffee, eh?" Brooke asks, kinking her eyebrow at her daughter.

"Okay, choc-o-late milk."

"Do you think that you can play tea party by yourself for a few minutes so I can talk to your daddy?"

"Sure", Hazel replies as she wriggles out of her mother's arms and sets herself back up at her tiny table.

Brooke and Julian both smile down at the girl, but then Brooke grabs her fiance's hand and pulls him into their bedroom.

Once in their room, Brooke's shuts the door behind her – too loudly.

"Brooke, what's going on? I thought you would be happy", Julian says. He's a great man, but has more blonde moments than any actual blonde Brooke has ever met.

"I am…I am. But it's like you're trying to put a band-aid on a gaping wound. You don't know if this is going to fix anything", Brooke replies.

"But it will! I'm not going to be away all the time. I'll be here for you and Hazel now."

"You say that. You've been saying that for a while, swearing up and down that you'd come home in time for dinner but you never did. You'll find something else to distract you, to keep you away from us." Brooke fiddles with her fingers and sits at the edge of the bed. She looks up at Julian expectantly, waiting for some kind of answer.

Julian follows suit, sitting next to Brooke and grabbing her hands out of her lap and into his larger hands. "How do you know that, Brooke? How do you know that the last few months haven't killed me, too?"

"If you were hurting so much, why didn't you just come home?"

"I was scared, I guess. I didn't want to walk away from my job because I wanted to be able to support you and Hazel", Julian says.

"Support isn't just monetary, Julian", Brooke replies.

"I know. But Brooke…can you give me a chance? Please? I want to be there for you. I want to see Hazel grow up and have more babies with you. And I want to finally get married."

Brooke lets her head rest on Julian's shoulder and she sighs. "Okay", she whispers. "But please, don't let me down this time."

"I won't, baby", Julian says as he kisses the top of Brooke's head. "I promise."

The two sit in silence while Julian rubs Brooke's arm gently and Brooke closes her eyes to take all of this in. Could this be the beginning of a fresh start?

-xx-

"Daddy! Daddy! Up higher!" Hazel squeals. Higher and higher in the swing she wants to go, until it feels like she can touch the sky. Julian pushes her gently with one hand, as he sips a cup of coffee held in the other hand. From time to time, he glances over at Brooke as she sits on a bench with a book. She smiles at him when he does this, sipping her own coffee.

"Not too high, princess", he says. "How about we have lunch soon?"

"Our picnic?" Hazel yells.

"Mummy packed you all kinds of goodies", Julian says as he grabs the chains of the swing and slows it down.

Hazel, dressed adorably in a black skirt, pink tank, and striped tights, hops off the swing and runs over to Brooke. "Time for lunch?" she asks.

Brooke stands up from the bench and grabs Hazel's hand. "Absolutely, Hazy. Do you want to carry the blanket?" Hazel nods vigorously and grabs the way-too-large-to-hold blanket from her mother and scampers off to find a patch of grass.

Julian and Brooke watch her go and they join hands as they walk to meet her together.

It's been a week since Julian quit the film he was working on. They've had family dinners together every night and Julian tucks Hazel into bed every bed time. They've already finished three books.

At night, when they lay in bed together, Brooke can't help but smile. So far, so good.

When Julian and Brooke make it to the patch of grass below a tree that Hazel has chosen, the young father spreads out the blanket so he and his family can begin lunch. After they sit down, Julian's phone has begun buzzing in his pocket. This hasn't been an unusual occurrence, unfortunately.

"Hello?" Julian asks.

Brooke pauses from unloading the picnic basket to see a frustrated expression grace her boyfriend's face. She mouths, "What?" only to have him sigh and shake his head in response.

"No, I'm not coming back. No, you cannot bribe me with more money. I'll be in the office next week to finish up and take a look at the final edit, but that's it." He shrugs at Brooke, but she can't help but smile. He's finally taking control and getting back to his family.

"Goodbye", Julian says, slamming his phone shut and tossing it on the blanket.

"Are you angry, daddy?" Hazel asks as she sips from her juice box.

"Nothing a cucumber and cream cheese sandwich can't fix", Julian jokes as he helps Brooke take more food out of the basket.

Brooke raises her eyebrow in disgust. "Is that really what you made yourself for lunch?"

"No, it's what I made you", Julian says. Damn, that devil grin of his.

"I'll never live that down, will I?" Brooke replies, referring to almost the entire nine months she was pregnant with Hazel when all she wanted was cucumbers and cream cheese and finally, when she put the two together to make a rather interesting sandwich.

"Mumma!" Hazel exclaims. "That sounds like a good sandwich."

"It's no wonder you think so, baby", Brooke says."It's all I ate when you were in my tummy."

"Speaking of tummies, can I have a baby brother or sister soon?" Hazel asks. "All my friends have babies and I want one, too!"

"Soon, sweetheart", Julian replies, looking up at Brooke whose jaw has dropped as she hears his answer.

"Is that so?" Brooke replies.

"Yes, yes it is."

"I think we should worry about getting married first."

Julian unwraps his sandwich and takes a bite, all while keeping eye contact with Brooke. "Speaking of…clear your schedule for next week. We're going back to Tree Hill."


End file.
